Today's In--Flight Movie: Face-Punch!

So earlier today, I was handing the phone to my wife.  Then I turned towards her desk when POW!  

(back tracking and from the Mario's perspective) I could see Dan, standing there, all calm and peaceful.  His shoulders looked like the perfect place to sleep.  He's a little farther than usual, maybe 4 feet, so I'll have to put some extra oomph into this leap.  

(omnipotent narrative perspective) And so he leapt.  In the same instance, Dan turned in his direction while shifting to the left just a few inches.  Pow, a surprised Dan has a face full of cat.  This is where he was knocked to the ground.  

"Pow, a surprised Dan has a face full of cat."

Mario, an adorable cat, weighs only 10 pounds.  But it's nearly all muscle.  Let me tell you that he lined up every bone, and backed it with every muscle for jumping and for holding his head in a ramming position as he slammed into my face.  I was more laughing than hurt, but it was enough force and surprise to knock me down.  

It was probably an hour before he decided to get on my shoulder again.  Of course at this point, within 20 minutes he farted, silently.  When I called him out on it he burped loudly and in my face.  Then got down.  Apparently satisfied that we were even now.

Cats are gross

My cat likes to lay on my shoulders.  You can guess where this is headed.

So Mario will usually spend about 2-5 hours a day laying on my shoulders.  During that time, he will clean my head, nibble on my shoulder, sleep, burp, sneeze on every thing in front of me and of course the occasional fart.

Last night was no different.  (like all of it).  It started as Mario leaped up on top of me.  Well he doesn't exactly leap.  He jumps high enough so he can kick off of my legs and make it the rest of the way up.

This time, he landed a good solid two footed junk kick.  After a moment, I realized he had curled up on my shoulders facing the wrong way.  He always rests his head on my right shoulder.  But this time it was on the left.

Then he farted.  The end.

The Cat's Perspective #1

From Mario Perspective:

Today I watched the humans for 3 hours.  In that time frame, I observed them reaching for snacks twelve times, and not once was I offered any.  I need to acquire new humans.

Of course I already knew this.  Just yesterday I managed to lul the bigger human into rubbing my belly.  When it brought it's head near, I seized my opportunity.

With my flailing cacti of doom, I struck several blows, before it managed to squirm away.  Fortunately I had a chance to observe some of its escape moves.  I will meditate on this.  Perhaps I will attack next in its sleep.

Face Kick

So yesterday morning, Mario, (our cat) was rolling around, and I thought it was really cute. So I leaned down, and rubbed my face on his belly. This promptly activated his murder button. I pulled back, but he was attached to my hat, kicking me in the face.


It was then that I realized my super-hero like grappling skills work better when my opponent is not a hyper active cactus. Fortunately, my scruffy face acted like armor and thwarted much of the strikes.


While I managed to get away this time, I fear I may have given him ideas of how to defeat me in future skirmishes. I worry he might test my abilities while I sleep.